Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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