can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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