Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
