ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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