i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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