The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
