Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
