i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
