I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Let's get the cat blown out
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
