seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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