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She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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