go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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