We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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