When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
