Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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