Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
