I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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