I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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