It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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