Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
