i would punch a child for taco bell
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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