As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
