i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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