I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize