I wanna bring you to show and tell
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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