They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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