i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
