i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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