and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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