mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
