my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
