Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
