shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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