..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
