I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize