GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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