wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
