i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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