I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
