5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
