I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
