He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
bring money and cleavage
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hippo gnu deer
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
