I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize