I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
