I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
