I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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