My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i think my tv is drunk
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
