you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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