I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
