I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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