his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
