You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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