you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
