I met the friendliest cop last night
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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