i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
