After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
