just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
