His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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