fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
