Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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