you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
