I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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