he shaved USA in his pubs
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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