She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
