is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
