Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
