I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
