I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
