Ambien. No doubt about it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
