Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
