This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's just like the Real World with babies
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
