remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
