Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
