He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
