....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
