so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
