I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Buhtt sex?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
