its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
