You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
