somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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