I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
