the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
