I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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