What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
