I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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