We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
